Office Bathroom Etiquette

Going to the bathroom in the office should be a relieving experience. It is 2 minutes (or 30 minutes if you're some people) of relief from the otherwise bullshit and idiot-filled day. It is a holy place. Most men respect this sanctity because it is instilled in them from birth. It is innate.

Every once in awhile (or at least once a week at my damn job) some asshole rolls into the bathroom, completely blind to the rules and just ruins a good time. To the rules!

1) The Golden Rule

Every man knows the golden rule of bathroom etiquette. I shouldn't have to even list it, but for those of you who are clueless, the golden rule (and Man-Law rule) of bathroom etiquette is to leave a urinal between you and the next guy whenever possible.

The Mona Lisa of Bathroom Etiquette

 The most common offenders of this are old guys. I guess I get it, you're old and out of touch... whatever. It is still unacceptable no matter who you are. I don't wanna see your dangle, you don't need to see mine. If we are too close, the chances of this happening arise to unacceptable levels. Case Closed.

2) Bringing Food Into The Bathroom

I honestly did not know this was a problem until about three weeks ago. This is one of the nastiest habits I've ever seen. I was enjoying a nice whizz and suddenly I hear the "Crunch Crunch" sound of a guy just chomping into an apple. I don't care if you're going number 1 or 2, just wait to eat! The amount of germs and general nastiness involved in a typical men's public restroom is astounding.

I figure it saves time to just do the 

whole digestive cycle in one sitting.

 

3) No Small Talk 

 

Look, I get it. Nobody likes an awkward silence. Awkward silences are the second worst thing for guys to endure between each other. Its awful. Oh, what is the worst thing you ask? Fucking small talk.  Nobody wants to hear your commentary while using the facilities. 

 

-"Gee, you really had to go hah hah hah!"

-"I saw you last time I pee'd, we're on the same schedule!"

-"Hey, why the fuck is that guy over there eating an apple?" (okay, this one was me, I am guilty)

 

 4) Lift the Damn Seat

Sitting down on a toilet in any public facility is an awful and terrifying experience. You sit there and just pray the guy before you wasn't some monster heifer with some disgustingly unknown strain of ass-crabs that will ruin your life. If you're lucky, the seat is cold which means nobody's ass has been on it for hours. If you're not, you get the warm sensation that tells you that someone was here, and it was not very long ago.

Oh, thanks for the ass-crabs, Larry.

 

Lift the seat if you pee into a non-urinal. Clean up your mess. Don't foul up the place. You know how pissed off you'd be if the guy before you did it. Don't ruin someone else's 15 minutes of freedom because you're a selfish prick.

In the end... outside of the fact it gets us away from doing our job for a few minutes, using the restroom at work can suck. Public restrooms are awful places. Lets stop being selfish dicks and be a little less lazy to make it just a touch less awful for each other fellas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Console Versus PC Gaming

With the hype around the next-generation consoles (namely Xbox One and PS4), I think it is an interesting conversation to visit the platform that almost none of my friends have ever considered. Now, my co-bloggers are extensive PC gamers, with experience in consoles as well.

Just about everyone I know and grew up with grew up on consoles. It is all we know and all we have ever really experienced. I love consoles and always have. That being said, consoles are a MASSIVE rip off my friends. The initial costs of a PC are significantly higher than a console. A decent gaming PC is going to cost around $1,000 (roughly, you can build one for cheaper). Compared to the $4-500 of a Xbox or Ps4, this seems insane. Consider this - a PC will last as long as an Xbox or PS, but the games are a whole different animal.

Nailed It!

 

First, consider Steam. If you are unfamiliar, think of steam as your Xbox or PS4 landing page, but for a PC. (There are others, but Steam is the easiest to work with). From Steam, you can download thousands (millions?) of games. There are tons and tons of great games with excellent (better than console) graphics, that you can download entirely free. Additionally, if you have games you want to pay $60 for because it is just SO good (Battlefield, COD, etc) they are still available for the same price or cheaper, and have better graphics than consoles. Steam also has weekly sales, as well as massive summer and winter sales where you can get the biggest and hottest games for like 70% off. You will NEVER see that for consoles.

Dear lord... its the motherload of sales.

Lets say a Console and PC both last 10 years. If you only buy 5 games a year, you're looking at close to $300 per year (hell, cut it to $180 for casual gamers) you are spending close to $3,000 on games alone over the life of a console. Compare that to the vast amount of Free to Play (F2P) PC games that are both entertaining and well developed and you see my point.

My friends, I'm afraid we have been misled our whole lives here! We could have had a better and cheaper experience all this time and we have missed it!

That being said, where the fuck are my car keys, this PS4 isn't going to go buy itself.

What do you want?! I didn't say I was gonna change.

P.S. Anyone want to start a FIFA 15 club? I was going to ask about NHL but shockingly those colossal retards at EA Sports didn't bother putting in any games modes when they released NHL15. What a buncha dicks!

Spring is Here, and I'm Still Not Stuck with just Baseball!

God bless you Kentucky Wildcats and Montreal Canadiens. Thanks to you and your awesome seasons/postseasons I have much more to look forward than just a team that I think all realistic Reds fans believe have an uphill battle ahead of them.

First, my Kentucky Wildcats. What an unbelievable tournament run. Who could have imagined this? What John Calipari has done this tournament is nothing short of fantastic. Kentucky is the first team to beat three Final Four teams from the previous year in one tournament. That is astounding! You've all read the blogs and stories on them, so I wont bore you with regurgitating the pundits news and views. I'll just post this...

There is a 99% chance I rewatched this replay

55 times since Sunday afternoon. 

 

 Second, the Montreal Canadiens have put together yet another fantastic regular season. It is absolutely amazing how well they have been playing lately, and watching the shitty Maple Leafs fall apart is always hilarious. With the exception of the NCAA tournament, the NHL Playoffs are far and away the best postseason in sports. Obviously many of you without an NHL team to pull for will disagree, but that is simply just the way it is. NHL playoffs start the day tax season ends, how glorious is that?!

Finally, I did watch Opening Day for the Reds and there were definitely some promising things. A healthy Johnny Cueto could bode extremely well for this season. I am not concerned about Billy Hamilton going 0-4. I am concerned about runners on 1st and 3rd with 0 outs and not being able to generate a single run with the heart of our lineup. That is flat out unacceptable. First shutout on opening day in 60 years. Ouch.

Accidentally Abusive

So apparently I lied when I told my roommate I would never abuse her.

Clocked her pretty good last night in my sleep. Apparently had a pretty wild dream and woke up flailing that caught her with a pretty good right hook.

Whoops.


(Abuse isn't funny, accidental abuse is hilarious)

My Roommate Doesn't Read My Blog

As a result, I can share this awesomeness with you fine people.

This is our shower.

Nice and simple, nothing special. It is hard to get a picture to illustrate my point, so I will explain. The shower head rotates wherever you point it. Currently, this is how my roommate left it pointed. The picture is taken from the door, the shower head is pointed right out of the shower door.

Imagine the surprise of the sorry motherfucker (me) who sleepily flips on the shower in the morning to heat up the water, suddenly shriveled up like a field mouse because I got a 7:00 a.m. cold jet of pure misery all over me and the bathroom floor.

Absolute Bullshit!

However, I am a nice guy right? I'll just be the bigger person and all that.

No, fuck that, nice guys wake up and get sprayed in the dick with extremely cold showers.

Its all about retribution.

Made damn sure the sink is filled with my dirty dishes. I even ate two extra meals today to make sure it is a noticeable pile of dishes that she won't possibly be able to ignore tonight. Retribution is going to be a beautiful beautiful thing.

Ice Fishing Is Sweet

Not much of a post here, just a few pictures of ice fishing in Kentucky.

My sister's pond froze over and we were able to get out on it, chainsaw a few fishing holes and catch some fish. Going back in a few weeks!

Streak for the Cash - Don't Take Bro's Advice

So I've got back into the ESPN streak for the cash game lately because it is entertaining and addicting and I am awesome at it.

Pure unadulterated awesomeness

Apparently if you tweet about your streak there are multiple Twitter accounts that search for the word "Streak" and will tweet at you with suggestions. One such bro got into an argument with me about his pick and argued his brilliant point with me.

Whatever, not gonna hate, fair points... kind of.

Oh yeah dickhead? Gonna try to walk off shot ME like that?

Get real bitch.

The pick was Ajax winning by 2 goals or more. They had played each other earlier in the year and tied. Now, Ajax is the best team in that league, and they were not playing at home, its not a BAD pick, but when you've got a streak of 7.... its a risky pick. Ajax ended up winning 2-1, meaning his pick lost.

So, the following day after this colossal dickhead was wrong, I tweeted a simple ha ha out, not even @ him or anything. The result....

100% guarantee he says this to every person who  calls 

him out for his shitty ass picks. 

Congratulations dickhead, you allegedly got a streak of 25 once. Allegedly. 

I caught three fish in three casts in a row once. You don't see me waving my balls around Bill Dance's chin.

Douchebag.