The Douchebag People That Frequent The Gym

This blog is about a lot of things. 

This blog is about two things.

1) It is a place for me to dick around where I think I am funny and can share my (not) funniness with you fine people.
2) It is about the betterment of mankind.

Not you, asshole.

Doing my due diligence to represent 2), I joined the gym finally. I've never been a gym member before, mostly due to being spoiled living in my mom and dad's basement where they essentially had a full gym in-house.

There are lots of boring positives about joining a gym that nobody gives a shit about. I've lost 5 pounds, sweet, I lost just as much puking my ass off the night of my birthday... but I digress.

I'm here to talk about the negatives of joining the gym. That means you, douchebags of the gym-community!

1) The Grunter

I assume every gym has one of these people. This is the guy who clearly has more steroids in his arms at any given moment than A-Rod would take down in ten lifetimes.

This guy's sets consist of usually two reps, and each of them is followed by a sound something akin to... "UUGUUGUHHHHGGHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

We get it bro, you can lift a lot once. Congratulations, you get a sick reward of being hated by everyone. Don't believe me? Ask your parents. It is a 100% fact even they hate you now.

This. A thousand times this.

 

2) The Massive Chick In Yoga Pants :(  

 

 I almost didn't want to include this one. On one hand, I am really happy for heavy chicks working hard to better themselves. Its hard, its admirable, its respectable, and good for them.

However, when I walk into the gym and I see this kind of shit bouncing up and down on the treadmill... it is not okay:

(Thank you, PeopleOfWalmart)

 

I've seen the plus-size stores at the mall. I KNOW they exist. We, the other people of the gym, will make you a deal. If you can go an entire run on a treadmill without making someone physically ill, your outfit is acceptable. Until then, leave your "I have a dream" clothing at home.

 

3) Old Shameless Dude 

 

 

Fortunately I spend a grand total of zero time in the locker rooms. I just wear what I bring and keep it with me in order to stay the everliving hell out of the lockers. 

 

When I first joined the gym, I was given a tour. This tour has scarred me for the rest of my life. I saw more old balls in one walk through the locker room than a octogenarian hooker sees in a years worth of employment. 

 

Heard that Bro

 

In summary, go to the gym people of the world. Do it. Tear it up. Better yourselves and make the world a better looking and less foul place.

But for the love of god have some f**king courtesy!