For the most part you kind of just ignore it because honestly... no shit? Obviously its expensive and more work, the people telling you this stuff aren't exactly explaining the laws of physics to you.
Unless this crafty bastard tell you about it.
When he talks, your ass listens.
However, even with all the warnings and doomsday prophets telling you the colossal pile of work and headache you signed up for by buying a house, there are many warnings people forgot.
1) Every Minor Oddity Is Going to Blow Your House Up
Probably 1 out of every 10 times you plug something in to an electrical outlet a small spark appears. It happens in every house across the nation because that is what outlets and electricity do. It sparks. When you've recently dumped your life savings into a home, that harmless little spark becomes a whole new animal. It immediately floods your brain with "holy shit, that spark is going to light a fire and this massive investment I made is going to burn down around me."
I'm on to you you son of a bitch
Reality and common sense give way to paranoia and the assumption that if something can go wrong, it absolutely will.
Lights Flicker? Power Issue
Door doesn't close right? My house is slowly being shrunk by aliens
Floor creaks where it didn't before? Termites, for sure termites.
It is a bizarre phenomenon. I experienced every one of these things probably on a daily or monthly basis in every house I have ever lived in, but the second its my own house, I'm Google searching how to build a fallout shelter because this shit is coming down around me and there is no stopping the tide.
2) Men and Women have VERY Different Concepts of "Dirty"
Learned this gem before we even moved in. After a day of painting and doing actual, noticeable work, my better half decided it was time to clean the house. I looked around, I did not see any piles of dust or crumbs or animal shit on the floor so naturally I was baffled. I played along like the nice guy I am and got down to help clean the not dirty house.
Might as well be an actual reenactment
See: Completely dirt-less towel
I scrubbed for the better part of an hour, taking breaks to pretend to scrub a different room that wasn't dirty at all. She would finish "cleaning" a different area and look at me with an exasperated look commenting how "dirty" and "disgusting" everything was.
Moral of the story? Shit if I know, just pretend like you see the imaginary dirt and scrub your ass off or they'll make you do something even shittier.
3) Garbage Day
Garbage day is a small annoyance because obviously you figure it out after a week or two. That being said, nobody warns you ahead of time what day of the week garbage day is on. It is bizarre. When you first move in, you accumulate a pile of boxes and random stupid shit needing to be thrown away that would make the hardiest of garbage men shiver when he approaches your house.
Buncha sissies, I got this
Easy solution right? Look out the window before bed every night to see when the neighbors put their garbage out. Done deal, good night!
Problem with this brilliant theory - what if your neighbors are all decently older than you and they wake up at 5 a.m. and take their garbage out under the cover of darkness like the worlds weirdest action hero?
Exactly what happened. End result - we were stuck with a garage filled with useless shit we couldnt get rid of for another week because we slept right through garbage collection. Our garage was a veritable maze of boxes and awful smelling refuse. Would be nice if just one person would have said "Welcome to the neighborhood dickhead, garbage day is Thursday morning."
4) Houses Built Before 1990 are not Accommodating to Men
Ladies, (do we have ladies? I imagine one girl will stumble onto this blog right?) you may want to turn away from this part, it is admittedly a touch foul.
Bathrooms built in older houses are a freaking tragedy. (Not sure specifically what year my house was built in, we'll say between 1960-1980.) The one thing a good bathroom should provide is quality leg room so you can relax on a throne and not feel cramped up. Each facility in my new home is extremely cramped and either close to the sink vanity, or too close to the wall. This provides for an extremely unsatisfying and uncomfortable relief experience and frankly can ruin the momentum of a good day.
Heard that Brother
Maybe this one is a bit petty on my part.
All of these things aside, I am thrilled with my new home and am really excited to move into the next phase of my life.
Should you be in the market for a home, or are considering buying a home, you are now aware of some pitfalls or things to be aware of! This blog is really about the betterment of mankind.
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