What in the actual shit Bengals?! Also ouch....

Once again showing this organization has absolutely no clue about the general sentiment of their fanbase, they have the balls to run this ad on TV today during the NFC Playoff games...

How on earth do you ask fans to re-up for 2016 not even 24 hours after ripping their hearts out for the 5th straight year. They had the damn game won and a lack of discipline through a brutal head coach cost them. What else did the Bengals do today? Pretty much confirmed that Marvin Lewis will be back and now Hue and probably Guenther are out interviewing for HC jobs. Just Brutal.

P.S. This offseason is going to be a freaking douzy. Here is your free agent list for this team:

That is a LOT of super important talent. Obviously some will re-sign, most will not. That is a lot of holes to fill in one offseason.

Well... That hurt like hell.

Not really sure how you recover from that as a franchise. Single most devastating moment I have ever experienced in sports. There are so many things to discuss about how the Bengals just lost that game I don't even know where to start... I'll just list my thoughts, rages, and depressions in bullet point form. No witty photos with this post, just depressed venting...

• Jeremy Hill - none of that nonsense happens if you just don't fumble the damn football. If there was ever a situation where you just go down and get the clock running and force timeouts, that was it buddy. Obviously he's not going anywhere, but in a city this devastated by failure at all levels of our professional sports over the past 25 years, I'm not sure how anyone ever forgives him.
• Vontaze Burfict & Pacman - Absolutely unbelievable. You couldn't write a more obvious headline that those two clowns acting like immature morons cost this team a football game. Burfict's was absolutely inexcusable. Stop playing dirty, and know the situation. That incomplete pass was massive and you handed them life. Pacman's was a little less ridiculous because it is absolute bullshit that Joey Porter is allowed on the field to antagonize opponents. The NFL is going to fine him but what the hell does he care? Fine my team $5 million, we'll gladly pay it to move on to the next round.
• Domata Peko - What on earth is going through your head?! You're a 10 year veteran and you run onto the field with a big ass coat on just to shove an opposing player. You couldn't have at least dropped the damn coat to pretend like it was part of the play or something? When we needed discipline the most, one of our most veteran leaders brutally let us down. Absolutely disappointing.
• The NFL - absolutely the most clown league in all of professional sports. At least FIFA is open and honest with how corrupt they are. There are so many issues with this league it is sickening. We still don't know what a catch is (Bryant's TD was not a catch). Helmet to Helmet hits seem to have different meanings depending who is hitting who. Gio Bernard almost his neck snapped by a helmet to helmet hit that is somehow legal, but Burfict is penalized, probably suspended, and fined for the same thing. 
• The NFL (2) - How in the fuck are two coaches allowed to make direct contact and confrontation with opposing teams players with almost no repercussions. One coach pulls a Bengal's player's hair on the sideline and its a measly 15 yard penalty. One coach starts a confrontation at mid field where he has absolutely NO business being to EARN a 15 yard penalty to seal the game. So far all we have heard of is a fine for Porter. Nothing for Munchak and nothing for the team (and their piece of shit head coach Mike Tomlin) for allowing this kind of complete assholery on their sideline. Sincerely, Fuck you NFL.
• Finally, Marvin Lewis - the book on Marvin is that his teams are undisciplined clowns. Reports say he continuously reminded them to keep their heads but they failed and their failures are his failures.  13 seasons, not a single playoff win. 0-7. Two coordinators heavily connected with outside jobs, I'm not saying fire Marvin Lewis because of that game. I am suggesting move him out of the HC job one way or another to keep Paul Guenther or Hue Jackson around.

On to another offseason. Hate to be fairweather fans, but hard to think some fans don't jump ship. I'm just not sure anyone can really blame them....

I am man enough to admit when I am wrong

In a previous post that you can review here. I ripped Jay Gruden and Andy Dalton pretty good because at the time, they were the two most negative influences in my life. It is now time for me to eat a little bit of crow and accept the fact that I was a (little) wrong.

First and foremost, my sincerest apologies to Andy Dalton and his new no-nonsense beautiful hair.

Panty. Dropper.

 

Andy has been nothing short of incredible this year. If he did not get injured he was a legitimate MVP candidate. Bengals Nation is simply dreading the prospect of having to play a playoff game without him under center. Andy, I sincerely apologize, I was wrong. I genuinely believe now that you have the capability to take the Bengals to a Super Bowl despite the whole not having a soul thing.

Secondly, I do owe Jay Gruden a minor apology. I am absolutely not sad he is gone. Not one bit. I maintain he was the most unimaginative offense coordinator I've ever seen, and it reflected in their play (particularly in the playoffs under him). I still maintain the Bengals are better off without him, but I am glad he is doing well. The more coaches from this team that go on to succeed as HC's (Gruden, Zimmer), the more quality guys will be willing to come here knowing its a great stepping stone.

Office Bathroom Etiquette

Going to the bathroom in the office should be a relieving experience. It is 2 minutes (or 30 minutes if you're some people) of relief from the otherwise bullshit and idiot-filled day. It is a holy place. Most men respect this sanctity because it is instilled in them from birth. It is innate.

Every once in awhile (or at least once a week at my damn job) some asshole rolls into the bathroom, completely blind to the rules and just ruins a good time. To the rules!

1) The Golden Rule

Every man knows the golden rule of bathroom etiquette. I shouldn't have to even list it, but for those of you who are clueless, the golden rule (and Man-Law rule) of bathroom etiquette is to leave a urinal between you and the next guy whenever possible.

The Mona Lisa of Bathroom Etiquette

 The most common offenders of this are old guys. I guess I get it, you're old and out of touch... whatever. It is still unacceptable no matter who you are. I don't wanna see your dangle, you don't need to see mine. If we are too close, the chances of this happening arise to unacceptable levels. Case Closed.

2) Bringing Food Into The Bathroom

I honestly did not know this was a problem until about three weeks ago. This is one of the nastiest habits I've ever seen. I was enjoying a nice whizz and suddenly I hear the "Crunch Crunch" sound of a guy just chomping into an apple. I don't care if you're going number 1 or 2, just wait to eat! The amount of germs and general nastiness involved in a typical men's public restroom is astounding.

I figure it saves time to just do the 

whole digestive cycle in one sitting.

 

3) No Small Talk 

 

Look, I get it. Nobody likes an awkward silence. Awkward silences are the second worst thing for guys to endure between each other. Its awful. Oh, what is the worst thing you ask? Fucking small talk.  Nobody wants to hear your commentary while using the facilities. 

 

-"Gee, you really had to go hah hah hah!"

-"I saw you last time I pee'd, we're on the same schedule!"

-"Hey, why the fuck is that guy over there eating an apple?" (okay, this one was me, I am guilty)

 

 4) Lift the Damn Seat

Sitting down on a toilet in any public facility is an awful and terrifying experience. You sit there and just pray the guy before you wasn't some monster heifer with some disgustingly unknown strain of ass-crabs that will ruin your life. If you're lucky, the seat is cold which means nobody's ass has been on it for hours. If you're not, you get the warm sensation that tells you that someone was here, and it was not very long ago.

Oh, thanks for the ass-crabs, Larry.

 

Lift the seat if you pee into a non-urinal. Clean up your mess. Don't foul up the place. You know how pissed off you'd be if the guy before you did it. Don't ruin someone else's 15 minutes of freedom because you're a selfish prick.

In the end... outside of the fact it gets us away from doing our job for a few minutes, using the restroom at work can suck. Public restrooms are awful places. Lets stop being selfish dicks and be a little less lazy to make it just a touch less awful for each other fellas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Console Versus PC Gaming

With the hype around the next-generation consoles (namely Xbox One and PS4), I think it is an interesting conversation to visit the platform that almost none of my friends have ever considered. Now, my co-bloggers are extensive PC gamers, with experience in consoles as well.

Just about everyone I know and grew up with grew up on consoles. It is all we know and all we have ever really experienced. I love consoles and always have. That being said, consoles are a MASSIVE rip off my friends. The initial costs of a PC are significantly higher than a console. A decent gaming PC is going to cost around $1,000 (roughly, you can build one for cheaper). Compared to the $4-500 of a Xbox or Ps4, this seems insane. Consider this - a PC will last as long as an Xbox or PS, but the games are a whole different animal.

Nailed It!

 

First, consider Steam. If you are unfamiliar, think of steam as your Xbox or PS4 landing page, but for a PC. (There are others, but Steam is the easiest to work with). From Steam, you can download thousands (millions?) of games. There are tons and tons of great games with excellent (better than console) graphics, that you can download entirely free. Additionally, if you have games you want to pay $60 for because it is just SO good (Battlefield, COD, etc) they are still available for the same price or cheaper, and have better graphics than consoles. Steam also has weekly sales, as well as massive summer and winter sales where you can get the biggest and hottest games for like 70% off. You will NEVER see that for consoles.

Dear lord... its the motherload of sales.

Lets say a Console and PC both last 10 years. If you only buy 5 games a year, you're looking at close to $300 per year (hell, cut it to $180 for casual gamers) you are spending close to $3,000 on games alone over the life of a console. Compare that to the vast amount of Free to Play (F2P) PC games that are both entertaining and well developed and you see my point.

My friends, I'm afraid we have been misled our whole lives here! We could have had a better and cheaper experience all this time and we have missed it!

That being said, where the fuck are my car keys, this PS4 isn't going to go buy itself.

What do you want?! I didn't say I was gonna change.

P.S. Anyone want to start a FIFA 15 club? I was going to ask about NHL but shockingly those colossal retards at EA Sports didn't bother putting in any games modes when they released NHL15. What a buncha dicks!

Spring is Here, and I'm Still Not Stuck with just Baseball!

God bless you Kentucky Wildcats and Montreal Canadiens. Thanks to you and your awesome seasons/postseasons I have much more to look forward than just a team that I think all realistic Reds fans believe have an uphill battle ahead of them.

First, my Kentucky Wildcats. What an unbelievable tournament run. Who could have imagined this? What John Calipari has done this tournament is nothing short of fantastic. Kentucky is the first team to beat three Final Four teams from the previous year in one tournament. That is astounding! You've all read the blogs and stories on them, so I wont bore you with regurgitating the pundits news and views. I'll just post this...

There is a 99% chance I rewatched this replay

55 times since Sunday afternoon. 

 

 Second, the Montreal Canadiens have put together yet another fantastic regular season. It is absolutely amazing how well they have been playing lately, and watching the shitty Maple Leafs fall apart is always hilarious. With the exception of the NCAA tournament, the NHL Playoffs are far and away the best postseason in sports. Obviously many of you without an NHL team to pull for will disagree, but that is simply just the way it is. NHL playoffs start the day tax season ends, how glorious is that?!

Finally, I did watch Opening Day for the Reds and there were definitely some promising things. A healthy Johnny Cueto could bode extremely well for this season. I am not concerned about Billy Hamilton going 0-4. I am concerned about runners on 1st and 3rd with 0 outs and not being able to generate a single run with the heart of our lineup. That is flat out unacceptable. First shutout on opening day in 60 years. Ouch.

Accidentally Abusive

So apparently I lied when I told my roommate I would never abuse her.

Clocked her pretty good last night in my sleep. Apparently had a pretty wild dream and woke up flailing that caught her with a pretty good right hook.

Whoops.


(Abuse isn't funny, accidental abuse is hilarious)